26 July: Sometimes I need a good cry... and a wedge pillow. (Jen)

I love my husband. And I'm not just saying that because it's 6 days after we celebrated our first anniversay. I love him deeply. He's my best friend -- and each month that passes seems to make that statement somehow more true. Since my last post I've had 2 or 3 days when I felt so emotional that I had to let it all out in unexplained tears. He can usually tell that I need this before I can and suggests that we go cuddle on the bed so that he can hold me while I cry. He'll do this for hours with me, until we both fall asleep. I usually end up telling him in my sobby voice that I feel like he married a woman who's become a little girl, who cries over everything and can do very little for herself. He then kindly reminds me that having a baby is not something which little girls do, and that I'm doing the most womanly thing possible. He also tells me how much he loves me and loves to serve and bless me. Wow. Lots of people must be praying for him (or maybe the Father just loves to bless us both), because he's handling this whole thing with supernatural grace.

 

The other day Ben surprised me with a "wedge pillow". Wow! It's one of the best things ever invented for pregnant women. It's about a foot by a foot and shaped like a... well, a wedge. The thin edge goes under my belly (or ribs, if they're hurting more) and the thick end supports by belly. This has helped me sooo much! And it made our roadtrip much easier, as I put the thick end behind my shoulder blades and let it give my shoulders and back some support in our too-comfy seats in our car. I've had mixed results with my new body pillow (Ben's mom gave it to us -- thank you!!). Some nights it's exctly what I need, and other nights I end up pushing it off the bed. The hardest thing about it is that when I turn over to my other side (which is about once an hour), I have this big pillow between my legs and arms to turn with me, and then to reposition on the new side.

 

We saw our midwife on Thursday and she said that Sophia's head is still down (good news!) and that her body is facing my front (this will hopefully change as we near her delivery). She taught me to sit up correctly, too: when you're this big, you want to preserve the muscles on the front of the belly by not sitting up straight, but by leaning to one side and using your arms to push yourself up (I think the technical term for what I'm trying to avoid by doing this is "diastasis"). She's also concerned that I might have a slight infection in one of my kidneys (I have more swelling on my right side than my left and pain in the region of my right kidney -- which I learned is higher up in my ribcage than I ever thought it was). So I'm getting a test on Monday. We scheduled all SIX of our remaining appointments with the midwives. SIX! That's all. Wow. Then we're done. There's a very small part of me that's afraid of the pregnancy ending -- I think it's becuase I don't know what to expect and I'm afraid that I won't know how to do it well. But the rest of me is sooooo eager to have my body back, to get to know the little girl who is Ben-and-Jen, and to get to watch Ben love on his daughter. There is NO one else who I'd rather have raise my daughter.